Why I'm not wearing green today.

Please don't pinch me, but I'm just not a fan of this day.  I haven't worn green on St. Patrick's Day (intentionally, that is) for quite a few years now.  I realize many different people celebrate this day for many different reasons.  But when people ask me why I'm not wearing green, I usually find a slew of reasons to give them.  Here are a few:

1. I'm Irish year round.  This day isn't for me, it's for the non-Irish.  So, have fun with it, but I don't need a day set aside for being Irish.  I can wear that Kiss Me I'm Irish pin year round without shame.

2. I'm wearing orange.  I'm flying as much Irish flag as you are, really.  I do have some pride in and affinity with my Irish heritage.  So, it doesn't bother me to identify with it.  But the whole green thing is a bit to sheople-ish for my taste.

3. Celebrating being Irish is one thing.  Celebrating a religious figure is quite another.  Especially when the "snakes" that religious figure drove from Ireland were pagans.  Using your juggernaut of a church to roll over the beliefs of an indigenous people and mass-converting them isn't really the sort of thing I want to celebrate.

4. I can't stand drunks.  And I don't like "drinking holidays."  That means New Years Eve and Independence Day are out too.  And Memorial Day.  These are all thinly veiled excuses for people to get blind stinking drunk during the day.  And then I have to walk amongst them as I go to and from work.  It all just drives me crazy.  Whether it's the benignly stupid "WOOOHOOO" or the maliciously drunken insults hurled from cars, it annoys me.  Seeing people that can barely walk stumble around like idiots sounds funny on the surface, but it's just a whole wealth of problems waiting to happen.

5. Drunk drivers.  This goes hand in hand with number four.  Sure, a lot of people will take a taxi.  But a lot won't.  Drunk drivers are selfish, dangerous people.  Being a pedestrian, I feel especially vulnerable walking home from work on days like today.  All because of a drinking holiday.  How many casualties will there be this year?

So, that's why I don't celebrate this holiday, or even wear green.  But I don't begrudge other people having their fun.  I just hope they do it responsibly.  Get a taxi.  Don't get into fights.  And please for the love of everything you hold dear, don't hurl insults at passersby, especially if it's me.

Be safe.

Here I come to save the day...

I think if you were a superhero, the hardest part would be coming up with a nice catchphrase.  Well, that and the super-tights.  I think we'd need a special kind of superhero just to rescue people from that sight.

Growing up, I was really into comic books.  I wasn't a collector, because I took them out of the plastic slipcovers and read the comics.  But I was definitely a fan.  The idea of having powers or abilities other people didn't have was pretty alluring.  Eventually, I quit buying comics, because the habit got pretty expensive.  But I remained fascinated with the stories, hooked on the characters. 

So, it should come as little surprise that one of my favorite daydreams is to think of what powers I would want, and what I would do with them if I had them.  And that's what I'll do here, in no particular order.

1. Cyberkinesis - This is the manipulation and control of computers and electronics.  It would be handy, if not for any other reason, just because I'm so bad with computers.  It'd be nice to be able to make computers do what I want.  The first thing I'd do is go to the casino and get myself a jackpot on a progressive slot machine.  You gotta have cash flow.  Then it's on to the corporations.  Time for a major fleecing, I think.  You can really see how small a step it is from vigilante to criminal...

2. Teleportation - I sometimes get depressed because it seems as if I'll never get to see the world.  Tickets to just about anywhere are prohibitively expensive.  And then you need to have money to stay in a hotel, see the sights, pay for meals, and go shopping.  And you have to have enough vacation time from work to go in the first place.  But if you could instantly teleport anywhere in the world, you wouldn't have to pay for air fare, you could still sleep at home in your own bed, and you could even bypass the need for entry fees in most places.  And, if you don't care about local cuisine, you could eat at home too.  And who cares if you have vacation time?  Just go on a weekend off.

3. Invisibility - I'd be lying if I pretended I wouldn't use this for perverted ends.  NFL Locker rooms...  I never claimed to be pure.