Like, now.
1. Brandtson - Supposedly, they were going to release Turn Me On Dead Man in July of last year (I believe). Since then, there has been no activity on the website. This is one of my favorite bands of all time, and I was interested in seeing where they'd go next. Their last album had some great songs on it, but it was such a departure from their previous sound that I was intrigued to see where they'll go next. I'm afraid I'll never find out. I fear the dreaded band breakup.
2. The Wrens - The Meadowlands was a wonderful album. And I've always been enamored with the quirkiness and inventiveness of this band. It's been a few years since their last release. It's time. I'm always wanting more. They are supposedly writing and recording for a new release, but I'm just really impatient. Also, that doesn't always mean there'll be a release. See above.
3. The Sundays - I would love to be able to hear Harriet Wheeler singing something new and delicious. Reading, Writing, and Arithmetic still stands out as one of my essential albums of the 90s. I like to kid myself into believing that they'll soon end their extended hiatus and release something new. After all, there was two years between the first and the second, and five years between the second and third albums. So, keeping that progression in mind, the next one should drop sometime this year or the next...
4. Iron Maiden - They're gods of melodic heavy metal. You can learn more history from a Maiden song than from paying attention in school. Their epics can sustain you for the length of two-and-a-half songs from other bands. It's been a couple years since A Matter of Life and Death was released. I think Iron Maiden needs to stop resting on its laurels while releasing Greatest Hits after Greatest Hits. I know they're getting up there in age, but I'm confident they've got at least three more albums in them, and I'd like to hear one now, please.
5. No Knife - My friend Ed introduced me to this band when I first started working at the porn store back at the end of 1996. He played Drunk on the Moon, and I was hooked. The harmonies, the quirky arrangements, the catchy hooks, and Mitch Wilson's voice just grabbed me right out the gate. And every subsequent release showed growth as a band, and a willingness to experiment. Then they broke up, after releasing four albums. But when I heard they were opening for Jimmy Eat World, I got excited. If they can reunite for a tour, they can certainly get in the studio and release a new album. And I need a new album from these guys.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Sunday, March 22, 2009
On Video Games, Escapism, and Hindrances Thereto.
I am a gamer. I've been escaping into virtual worlds at the expense of real life for more than 25 years. I remember my first gaming system. It was an Atari 2600. I received it as a gift for my first Communion. I grew up Catholic, and like a good little clone, jumped through all the holy hoops required of me. I didn't care about God or Jesus or any of that. But show me a video game, and you've shown me my new god. THAT is a religion worth following.
It never ceases to amaze me that there are people who in fact don't feel the way I do about video games. They think it's a waste of money to drop sixty bucks on a new game that I'll play for days at least, if not weeks, months, or even years. And when I'm done, I'll play it again. Yet, some of these same people spend $100 on a purse they'll wear for a month, or they blow it in hours at a bar, and the only thing they take away from that is a hangover.
Gaming is my hobby. It lets me blow off steam. When I've had a day that pushes my tolerance to its outermost limit, I know that I can bring myself back from that edge with the proper game. If I just want to escape the world, then I'll immerse myself into a fantasy realm of magic and monsters. Role playing games make me focus only on the story and the visuals unfolding before me. On the other hand, if there is a specific person that has caused my bad day, then nothing beats a cathartic session with a fighting game or a hack and slash adventure. Unwinding after a long day requires a good game.
To be perfectly honest, I have no clue how other people unwind without them. Watching TV is far too passive to do me any good. I love to read, but if you're angry or tense, how can you possibly focus on reading? I don't get it. Then again, a lot of people like to have a good workout to blow off steam, and think gaming is too passive and lazy. In return, I can't conceive of such a thing as a good workout.
Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't have some issues with the world of video games. Some of these are entirely my own dysfunction. You'd think that after 25 years of gaming, that I'd be really good. My boyfriend has been playing games for less than half the time I have, and he excels far more in his chosen genres than I do. It's discouraging, and more than a little embarrassing. After all, I'm a child of the 80s. I scarcely remember a moment in my life without games. Either the Atari, or the Nintendo, SNES, and on through PlayStation, PS2, and the glorious PS3. Yet, despite this training since childhood, I'm merely OK at most games. But that doesn't dim my glowing admiration and love for the medium.
Gaming has changed so much since I first began. It was pretty much a platformer-based industry in the 80s and early 90s. It was a simpler time. As much as I loved games as a kid, when I try to revisit the old platformers from the day, I find that I either suck really really bad, or I just don't like them anymore. Of course, back then, games were entirely 2-D, so choices were a bit limited.
These days, games are more like movies. Beautifully rendered CGI cutscenes and in-game animations are cinematic in scale. For the first time, story has become important in genres other than the RPG. Character development, customization, versatility, gameplay and voice acting are all key to a video game's success.
Video games also have a much broader audience these days. It isn't just pasty-faced geeks so pale that the sun might burn them away. Cool people play them now, too. Grown men, and most astonishingly, women are gamers. The influx of so many different people, all with diverse backgrounds, means that there are different types of gamers. It's a big challenge for game developers, I'm sure. Unfortunately, it's sort of thrown the gaming world into disarray. On the one hand, innovations in gaming and the technology are growing by leaps and bounds. Competition means that companies need to outdo each other, and the consumers benefit.
But it's also given rise to some insidious trends. Gamers can be split into three basic types. There are casual gamers. These are people like your mom. You know, they didn't play games as a kid, or they never really got into them. They aren't really gamers. They're people who play games. There's a pretty big difference actually. The unfortunate effect casual gamers have on the industry is that there are a lot of games that try to capitalize on the mindset. These games are short, simple, and easy for the non-gamer to pick up and plug in, so to speak. Unfortunately, sometimes quality is sacrificed in the crush of quickies for the casual gamer. Is this universally the case? Not at all. Some of the so-called "party games" are actually pretty fun, if you are at, say, a party. And puzzle games can be a good diversion for a short time. But I prefer a bit more depth, so I have to sift through the innumerable options to find the games that appeal to me.
The second type of gamer is the "hardcore" gamer. These are the types that eat, sleep, and breathe games. They collect trophies and achievements so they can ridicule people that don't have them. They go on to message boards to brag about how they beat the latest trendy game in 3 hours on the highest difficulty level without dying, and if you can't do the same, then you're a "noob" or "teh ghey" or whatever else passes for English these days.
Hardcore gamers have had a serious effect on games, and I don't believe it's for the better. Developers and publishers know they can count on the hardcore gamer to buy their product. So they pander to them, without regard to everyone else. So more and more often, I'm seeing games that eschew any sort of effort in developing a single-player mode and focus on the online multiplayer mode. All the downloadable content is for multiplayer maps or multiplayer missions. It bothers me because, as my boyfriend has said, there are some people who play games to get away from people.
Another problem with games that have been negatively affected by hardcore gamers is the difficulty level. I really don't see the appeal of a game so hard to beat that merely playing it adds more stress than you release. I have fun playing through the game. I want to win. I don't want to play through the same level dozens of times until I can finally (or not) beat the boss, solve the puzzle, survive the gambit, or whatever other ridiculously difficult challenge I need to surpass. I don't care about "gamer cred" or anything like that.
These days, difficulty levels are misleading. Some games don't give you a choice, and those are the ones that worry me the most. Because I know they will end up being damn near impossible for someone with my modest abilities. Now, it seems, Normal means Hard. Easy means Normal, and sometimes even Hard. Hard means Impossible, So You Might As Well Trade The Game In Now. I have a great love of games, but not a great talent for them. Is it fair that I spend $60 on a game, but I can only get halfway through the story? I say make Easy mode actually easy. Not merely slightly less of a challenge. Actually easy. And make cheats available, so we can become unstuck in certain situations. I'm no programmer, but I know it's possible to disable cheats for a multiplayer mode and still allow them to work offline. And don't punish me for cheating. For instance, there have been a few games that allow cheats, but disable saving your game when you activate them. Ridiculous.
So, you can probably tell by now which of the two previous types of gamers bothers me most. Myself, I'm the third type. I'm just a regular guy, doing what he loves, regardless of labels. I just want to enjoy myself, and as long as it doesn't directly hinder anybody else's enjoyment, why should that be a problem? I just want to escape into a game at the end of a hard day. I want to feel the thrill of playing a game to its conclusion, of conquering the bad guys, of seeing the the story through to the end. I don't have to be good at video games to do this. I just have to love them.
It never ceases to amaze me that there are people who in fact don't feel the way I do about video games. They think it's a waste of money to drop sixty bucks on a new game that I'll play for days at least, if not weeks, months, or even years. And when I'm done, I'll play it again. Yet, some of these same people spend $100 on a purse they'll wear for a month, or they blow it in hours at a bar, and the only thing they take away from that is a hangover.
Gaming is my hobby. It lets me blow off steam. When I've had a day that pushes my tolerance to its outermost limit, I know that I can bring myself back from that edge with the proper game. If I just want to escape the world, then I'll immerse myself into a fantasy realm of magic and monsters. Role playing games make me focus only on the story and the visuals unfolding before me. On the other hand, if there is a specific person that has caused my bad day, then nothing beats a cathartic session with a fighting game or a hack and slash adventure. Unwinding after a long day requires a good game.
To be perfectly honest, I have no clue how other people unwind without them. Watching TV is far too passive to do me any good. I love to read, but if you're angry or tense, how can you possibly focus on reading? I don't get it. Then again, a lot of people like to have a good workout to blow off steam, and think gaming is too passive and lazy. In return, I can't conceive of such a thing as a good workout.
Of course, that doesn't mean that I don't have some issues with the world of video games. Some of these are entirely my own dysfunction. You'd think that after 25 years of gaming, that I'd be really good. My boyfriend has been playing games for less than half the time I have, and he excels far more in his chosen genres than I do. It's discouraging, and more than a little embarrassing. After all, I'm a child of the 80s. I scarcely remember a moment in my life without games. Either the Atari, or the Nintendo, SNES, and on through PlayStation, PS2, and the glorious PS3. Yet, despite this training since childhood, I'm merely OK at most games. But that doesn't dim my glowing admiration and love for the medium.
Gaming has changed so much since I first began. It was pretty much a platformer-based industry in the 80s and early 90s. It was a simpler time. As much as I loved games as a kid, when I try to revisit the old platformers from the day, I find that I either suck really really bad, or I just don't like them anymore. Of course, back then, games were entirely 2-D, so choices were a bit limited.
These days, games are more like movies. Beautifully rendered CGI cutscenes and in-game animations are cinematic in scale. For the first time, story has become important in genres other than the RPG. Character development, customization, versatility, gameplay and voice acting are all key to a video game's success.
Video games also have a much broader audience these days. It isn't just pasty-faced geeks so pale that the sun might burn them away. Cool people play them now, too. Grown men, and most astonishingly, women are gamers. The influx of so many different people, all with diverse backgrounds, means that there are different types of gamers. It's a big challenge for game developers, I'm sure. Unfortunately, it's sort of thrown the gaming world into disarray. On the one hand, innovations in gaming and the technology are growing by leaps and bounds. Competition means that companies need to outdo each other, and the consumers benefit.
But it's also given rise to some insidious trends. Gamers can be split into three basic types. There are casual gamers. These are people like your mom. You know, they didn't play games as a kid, or they never really got into them. They aren't really gamers. They're people who play games. There's a pretty big difference actually. The unfortunate effect casual gamers have on the industry is that there are a lot of games that try to capitalize on the mindset. These games are short, simple, and easy for the non-gamer to pick up and plug in, so to speak. Unfortunately, sometimes quality is sacrificed in the crush of quickies for the casual gamer. Is this universally the case? Not at all. Some of the so-called "party games" are actually pretty fun, if you are at, say, a party. And puzzle games can be a good diversion for a short time. But I prefer a bit more depth, so I have to sift through the innumerable options to find the games that appeal to me.
The second type of gamer is the "hardcore" gamer. These are the types that eat, sleep, and breathe games. They collect trophies and achievements so they can ridicule people that don't have them. They go on to message boards to brag about how they beat the latest trendy game in 3 hours on the highest difficulty level without dying, and if you can't do the same, then you're a "noob" or "teh ghey" or whatever else passes for English these days.
Hardcore gamers have had a serious effect on games, and I don't believe it's for the better. Developers and publishers know they can count on the hardcore gamer to buy their product. So they pander to them, without regard to everyone else. So more and more often, I'm seeing games that eschew any sort of effort in developing a single-player mode and focus on the online multiplayer mode. All the downloadable content is for multiplayer maps or multiplayer missions. It bothers me because, as my boyfriend has said, there are some people who play games to get away from people.
Another problem with games that have been negatively affected by hardcore gamers is the difficulty level. I really don't see the appeal of a game so hard to beat that merely playing it adds more stress than you release. I have fun playing through the game. I want to win. I don't want to play through the same level dozens of times until I can finally (or not) beat the boss, solve the puzzle, survive the gambit, or whatever other ridiculously difficult challenge I need to surpass. I don't care about "gamer cred" or anything like that.
These days, difficulty levels are misleading. Some games don't give you a choice, and those are the ones that worry me the most. Because I know they will end up being damn near impossible for someone with my modest abilities. Now, it seems, Normal means Hard. Easy means Normal, and sometimes even Hard. Hard means Impossible, So You Might As Well Trade The Game In Now. I have a great love of games, but not a great talent for them. Is it fair that I spend $60 on a game, but I can only get halfway through the story? I say make Easy mode actually easy. Not merely slightly less of a challenge. Actually easy. And make cheats available, so we can become unstuck in certain situations. I'm no programmer, but I know it's possible to disable cheats for a multiplayer mode and still allow them to work offline. And don't punish me for cheating. For instance, there have been a few games that allow cheats, but disable saving your game when you activate them. Ridiculous.
So, you can probably tell by now which of the two previous types of gamers bothers me most. Myself, I'm the third type. I'm just a regular guy, doing what he loves, regardless of labels. I just want to enjoy myself, and as long as it doesn't directly hinder anybody else's enjoyment, why should that be a problem? I just want to escape into a game at the end of a hard day. I want to feel the thrill of playing a game to its conclusion, of conquering the bad guys, of seeing the the story through to the end. I don't have to be good at video games to do this. I just have to love them.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
List of things I don't care about
1. The economy. I know I probably should care about it, but I don't. I guess I just don't have the level of understanding that other people have. Or maybe it's because I was poor, living paycheck to paycheck before the economic crisis. And I don't have a car, so I really can't even complain about fluctuating gas prices (which seem to have calmed a bit anyway).
2. Politics. I have such a hard time even getting two sentences into any news report about politics. It's just so boring. While the last presidential race was stirring up emotions everywhere, I found myself, as ever, coolly indifferent. And when Obama's win galvanized the nation, I just can't muster that kind of enthusiasm.
3. Your opinion. This is specifically in reaction to your opinion of point number two. My opinion about politics is just that: MY opinion. You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with me. You don't even have to be quiet about it. Comment on it, tell me what you think. But don't be put off by my indifference. Of course, point three isn't solely regarding politics. I think it's important to just be okay with being yourself. Nothing more, nothing less. So, if you don't like that I shave my head or have tattooes, if you think the music I listen to is crap, or if there's anything I love that you hate, you're entitled to your opinion. And I'm entitled to ignore it.
4. The popular news of the day. Whether it's the mom that offs her daughter so she can party unhindered, or the ridiculous caricature of a woman who spawns more children in a day than most families have in a lifetime, I just don't want to hear about it. I hate these news fads. And I hate when people watch them, plastered all over the news, and give opinions or sage observances as if it's even remotely important or necessary. Seriously. Enough. Nancy Grace has enough money, so stop lining her pockets with your ratings.
5. Facebook/MySpace applications. These are the bane of my existence. I can't log on without being overwhelmed with requests to take a quiz, join a mafia, send a fluffy angel bunny egg, and so on, ad nauseam. It's one of the major reasons why I'm spending less and less time on those sites. I just don't care about these things.
OK, I'm done being a curmudgeon now.
2. Politics. I have such a hard time even getting two sentences into any news report about politics. It's just so boring. While the last presidential race was stirring up emotions everywhere, I found myself, as ever, coolly indifferent. And when Obama's win galvanized the nation, I just can't muster that kind of enthusiasm.
3. Your opinion. This is specifically in reaction to your opinion of point number two. My opinion about politics is just that: MY opinion. You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with me. You don't even have to be quiet about it. Comment on it, tell me what you think. But don't be put off by my indifference. Of course, point three isn't solely regarding politics. I think it's important to just be okay with being yourself. Nothing more, nothing less. So, if you don't like that I shave my head or have tattooes, if you think the music I listen to is crap, or if there's anything I love that you hate, you're entitled to your opinion. And I'm entitled to ignore it.
4. The popular news of the day. Whether it's the mom that offs her daughter so she can party unhindered, or the ridiculous caricature of a woman who spawns more children in a day than most families have in a lifetime, I just don't want to hear about it. I hate these news fads. And I hate when people watch them, plastered all over the news, and give opinions or sage observances as if it's even remotely important or necessary. Seriously. Enough. Nancy Grace has enough money, so stop lining her pockets with your ratings.
5. Facebook/MySpace applications. These are the bane of my existence. I can't log on without being overwhelmed with requests to take a quiz, join a mafia, send a fluffy angel bunny egg, and so on, ad nauseam. It's one of the major reasons why I'm spending less and less time on those sites. I just don't care about these things.
OK, I'm done being a curmudgeon now.
Friday, March 20, 2009
The First Entry
This is always the hardest part. I'm not as clever as other bloggers, and I don't have nearly as much to say. And chances are, if I start something, I'm not going to follow through with it. I sometimes get bored or lose steam in mid-sentence. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to give this, an actual honest to goodness blog, a try.
I tried livejournal back in the day, and I just didn't like its way. I have a facebook, but it's pretty much a vehicle for playing Scrabble (or Lexulous, as it's called) with a handful of friends. I do have a blog on MySpace, but I'm pretty sick of being inundated with pleas to "Join My Mafia" or some other silly application. So, I'm trying to move away from the MySpace zombies.
So, anyway. Here I am, once again, at a new blog. I wanted to start a new one because I want a fresh start. On MySpace, I've pretty much only talked about personal things. So now, if I were to branch out into other territory, it would feel out of place.
My intentions with this blog are pretty broad. I want to use it to write about personal things and events in my life. But things that aren't so personal or intimate that I'd be embarrassed about airing them in public. I want to write opinion pieces about things I witness, hear about, or that just bother me or intrigue me in general. And I want to occasionally talk about things like music, movies, video games, books, television shows, and other aspects of entertainment media.
Now, an introduction.
My name is Jason Welch. I'm 33 at the time of this writing, though my birthday is next month. I am a gay man. I came out of the closet in college, back in 1995. Since then, I've been open and out at every job and in every social situation, because I feel like I've earned that right. Coming out is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and until you've been through the process, I don't think you can truly understand what it's like. You can, intellectually, know that your friends will accept you. But emotionally, it's hard to see past the fear that coming out will destroy everything. And, sadly, for some people it does.
I am a college dropout. I was around 9 hours shy of my English degree, but my education was derailed by a combination of social issues and emotional issues that took precedence. I was very focused on academia in high school. I worked and studied and excelled. But I was socially awkward and mostly friendless. I had no real social integration. When I went to college, the first closet I had to escape was my own shyness and awkwardness. I always tell people that I got nothing acedemic out of higher education, but it did grant me a social life. And an opportunity to start becoming more like myself.
By my junior year, I was so bored of school and apathetic that I added Theatre as a second major. It didn't work, and I stopped going to classes. At the same time, I was coming to realize that I had to come out or quit the world. It was like an emotional pressure cooker. I first knew I was gay when I was eight or nine years old. I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd always live the lie. But by the time I was 20 years old, it was becoming unbearable. I remember sitting alone in my room and thinking, "either stop living the lie, or stop living." Clearly, the more attractive course of action was to come out. So I did, on September 11th, 1995.
By the time I finished the coming out process, I had stopped going to all my classes, and instead spent my days playing video games and having fun, enjoying my newfound freedom. My GPA dropped from 3.6 to under a 2.0. I left school at the end of the school year in 1996. Now, in retrospect, it's really easy to look at it with fresh perspective and say that I made some poor choices. I should have stayed in and finished my degree. But at the time, I couldn't see that as a viable option. And, honestly, if I could go back, I wouldn't change anything. Who knows what kind of long-term effect that would have?
Eventually, after college, I moved to Midtown Kansas City, Missouri, where I began working at a porn store. Within a week I was Assistant Manager. Within three months I was Manager. And it was one of the best experiences of my life. Through the porn store, I found a degree of self-confidence I'd never felt before. I met the love of my life. I met one of my best friends. I have interesting stories that I'll be able to tell for years to come. I might talk about the porn store in more detail in a later entry, but for now, suffice to say it was the best job ever.
These days I work in a hospital, in the Heart Institute monitoring cardiac telemetry. It's a pretty good job, but a little stressful at times. It's never far from my thoughts that death is a real possibility for some of these patients, and I'm part of the first response team that works to save lives. It's a pretty sobering responsibility. But for the most part, it's easy, fun, and I enjoy my co-workers. And if it isn't necessarily what I want to do with my life, it's still decent for the time being. And since I have no clue what it is I want to do with my life, it's going to have to do for the foreseeable future, as well.
So, the me today...
I am a horrible underachiever. I'm content to do just enough to get by.
I have little to no ambition.
I have unrealistic goals and dreams. Growing up, everyone had an answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was always "a superhero" or "a wizard." Little has changed.
I spend more time daydreaming than experiencing the world around me.
But...
I'm a pretty funny guy, sometimes. I like to hear people laugh, and I love to be the reason.
I'm fairly witty. Of course, it doesn't matter how quick-witted you are, the best comebacks are always way too late to be of any use.
I may be a bit of a shit-stirrer, but at the same time, I'm always a good listener. I'm fairly sensitive (unless I'm stirring the aforementioned shit) and I think I'm pretty compassionate.
So, like most people I'm a mix of good and bad, and I try to lean more to the good. I hope that I can entertain people with this blog. But if I can't, I know I can at least entertain myself.
I tried livejournal back in the day, and I just didn't like its way. I have a facebook, but it's pretty much a vehicle for playing Scrabble (or Lexulous, as it's called) with a handful of friends. I do have a blog on MySpace, but I'm pretty sick of being inundated with pleas to "Join My Mafia" or some other silly application. So, I'm trying to move away from the MySpace zombies.
So, anyway. Here I am, once again, at a new blog. I wanted to start a new one because I want a fresh start. On MySpace, I've pretty much only talked about personal things. So now, if I were to branch out into other territory, it would feel out of place.
My intentions with this blog are pretty broad. I want to use it to write about personal things and events in my life. But things that aren't so personal or intimate that I'd be embarrassed about airing them in public. I want to write opinion pieces about things I witness, hear about, or that just bother me or intrigue me in general. And I want to occasionally talk about things like music, movies, video games, books, television shows, and other aspects of entertainment media.
Now, an introduction.
My name is Jason Welch. I'm 33 at the time of this writing, though my birthday is next month. I am a gay man. I came out of the closet in college, back in 1995. Since then, I've been open and out at every job and in every social situation, because I feel like I've earned that right. Coming out is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do, and until you've been through the process, I don't think you can truly understand what it's like. You can, intellectually, know that your friends will accept you. But emotionally, it's hard to see past the fear that coming out will destroy everything. And, sadly, for some people it does.
I am a college dropout. I was around 9 hours shy of my English degree, but my education was derailed by a combination of social issues and emotional issues that took precedence. I was very focused on academia in high school. I worked and studied and excelled. But I was socially awkward and mostly friendless. I had no real social integration. When I went to college, the first closet I had to escape was my own shyness and awkwardness. I always tell people that I got nothing acedemic out of higher education, but it did grant me a social life. And an opportunity to start becoming more like myself.
By my junior year, I was so bored of school and apathetic that I added Theatre as a second major. It didn't work, and I stopped going to classes. At the same time, I was coming to realize that I had to come out or quit the world. It was like an emotional pressure cooker. I first knew I was gay when I was eight or nine years old. I had resigned myself to the fact that I'd always live the lie. But by the time I was 20 years old, it was becoming unbearable. I remember sitting alone in my room and thinking, "either stop living the lie, or stop living." Clearly, the more attractive course of action was to come out. So I did, on September 11th, 1995.
By the time I finished the coming out process, I had stopped going to all my classes, and instead spent my days playing video games and having fun, enjoying my newfound freedom. My GPA dropped from 3.6 to under a 2.0. I left school at the end of the school year in 1996. Now, in retrospect, it's really easy to look at it with fresh perspective and say that I made some poor choices. I should have stayed in and finished my degree. But at the time, I couldn't see that as a viable option. And, honestly, if I could go back, I wouldn't change anything. Who knows what kind of long-term effect that would have?
Eventually, after college, I moved to Midtown Kansas City, Missouri, where I began working at a porn store. Within a week I was Assistant Manager. Within three months I was Manager. And it was one of the best experiences of my life. Through the porn store, I found a degree of self-confidence I'd never felt before. I met the love of my life. I met one of my best friends. I have interesting stories that I'll be able to tell for years to come. I might talk about the porn store in more detail in a later entry, but for now, suffice to say it was the best job ever.
These days I work in a hospital, in the Heart Institute monitoring cardiac telemetry. It's a pretty good job, but a little stressful at times. It's never far from my thoughts that death is a real possibility for some of these patients, and I'm part of the first response team that works to save lives. It's a pretty sobering responsibility. But for the most part, it's easy, fun, and I enjoy my co-workers. And if it isn't necessarily what I want to do with my life, it's still decent for the time being. And since I have no clue what it is I want to do with my life, it's going to have to do for the foreseeable future, as well.
So, the me today...
I am a horrible underachiever. I'm content to do just enough to get by.
I have little to no ambition.
I have unrealistic goals and dreams. Growing up, everyone had an answer to "what do you want to be when you grow up?" My answer was always "a superhero" or "a wizard." Little has changed.
I spend more time daydreaming than experiencing the world around me.
But...
I'm a pretty funny guy, sometimes. I like to hear people laugh, and I love to be the reason.
I'm fairly witty. Of course, it doesn't matter how quick-witted you are, the best comebacks are always way too late to be of any use.
I may be a bit of a shit-stirrer, but at the same time, I'm always a good listener. I'm fairly sensitive (unless I'm stirring the aforementioned shit) and I think I'm pretty compassionate.
So, like most people I'm a mix of good and bad, and I try to lean more to the good. I hope that I can entertain people with this blog. But if I can't, I know I can at least entertain myself.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
