I think the reason I didn't see it sooner is that I spent so much of my life believing it. In junior high and high school, it was a label applied to me on a regular basis, along with "lard-ass" which was apt, and "faggot" which ended up being more true than the bullies ever knew. Everyone told me I was a nerd, so I believed it. I was certainly socially outcast, which is one of the nerd's calling cards.
But now, on closer inspection, I realize a nerd was never really what I was. Let's look at the qualities of the nerd:
- Super-high intelligence. Frequently genius level.
- Excels at math and science
- Good with computers and technology
In high school, I took a lot of math classes. I even did pretty well. I had a pretty solid understanding of Algebra. I took Trigonometry, and did pretty well, but I had to work harder on it. Understanding didn't just come to me. And then I took pre-calculus. Not even the full calculus class. Just an introduction. And it was mind-boggling to me. My understanding of higher math is tenuous at best. So...not a nerd in that respect.
I am also unashamed to admit that I just didn't really get Chemistry. I did well in biology. I've always had a mind for memorizing things like systems of the body, parts of the heart, anatomy, and that sort of thing. But Chemistry? I just didn't get it. I should have, since so much of it is math-related. But I didn't.
My point is, though I may have passed my math and science classes, I definitely couldn't be said to excel. That's another hallmark of the nerd shot down.
It's a constant source of amusement for me that when I'm at work, I'm sort of the go-to guy for computer questions for my co-workers. Because any of my friends can tell you that I'm about as computer-savvy as a rock. I've always loved computers. I like the idea of computers. But I just don't get them. They completely mystify me.
When I was in junior high, I took a computer class. The teacher assumed that everyone had a basic working knowledge of computers. We never had a computer when I was a kid. I had almost no experience with them. I think the extent of my computer experience up to that point was playing Oregon Trail in the library in grade school. So, I never knew what the hell the teacher was talking about. To this day, I'm still not even sure what the class was actually about. Was it programming? Something operations-related? I didn't even have the slightest clue how to do the homework. Needless to say, I didn't pass that class. In fact, I'm ashamed to admit I had a 0% in that class.
It's a bit better these days. I couldn't tell you the first step in programming, but I can navigate the internet, and use Word and that sort of thing. I don't know all the tricks, but I can manage. And I know how to install a program and uninstall a program. But beyond that, it's still a mystery to me. Everything I've learned, I've learned from experimenting, and just messing around with something until it works. And when that doesn't work, I ask one of my more knowledgable friends how to do it.
Luckily for me, my co-workers are even more clueless regarding computers than I am, so I can usually fake it. But I live in constant fear that someday soon they'll ask me a computer question and I'll have no clue how to answer. And until I got my new phone, I was blissfully unaware of the inner workings of smartphones. Almost everyone I work with or know in real life has had a smart phone longer than me. And yet some of them still ask me how to do things. Someone asked me if I was going to root my phone, and I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. I still don't completely get it, to be honest. So let's just assume no.
I won't be rooting my phone, putting homebrew on my psp, pirating video games, or anything similar. Not because I'm taking some ethical high ground. It's because I've read the instructions and it still makes no sense. I don't want to destroy my phone or psp or computer because I have a mental block on that sort of thing.
So, as you can see, I lack some of the fundamental traits of nerddom. As much as I wish I was, I'm not a nerd. What am I? Well, I'm pretty sure I'm a geek. I'm passionate about geeky things, so I think I qualify. It's funny. In high school, either one was used as a taunt, and I was miserable. Now, I feel a touch of sadness that when the bullies called me a fat gay nerd, they were only 2/3 right.
